Letting Go

I think it's safe to say that the heat of grad school has reached a maximum.  I walk into the student room & I can feel the tension.  We're all trying to finish projects, deal with family issues, & maintain our sanity.  However, I've noticed that things that once would have driven me crazy no longer have that effect.

Sure, I could let (constructive) criticism from professors bring me down like some of my peers have been doing.  But I truly appreciate the tips they have for me.  I'm not paying all of this money to graduate a mediocre SLP.  That being said, I'm also not allowing my grades to stress me out as I once would have.  There was a day (ok, probably last spring) that I would have dwelled on a grade below oh, a 95.  I've come to realize that my diploma's a diploma whether I have a 4.0 or a 3.8.  As long as I know that I am still striving for my best, then I refuse to freak out like others have been doing.  Attending college & having parents who are willing to help me with some of my bills is a blessing in & of itself. 

Additionally, I am learning to let go of some old, negative feelings toward one of my grandmothers.  Shocked that I'm admitting this?!  I am not perfect, nor will I ever claim to be.  Of course, I've never stopped loving my grandmother, but she's said & done some hurtful things directed toward certain members of my family, myself included.  I'm not sure if it's because her health has been declining & she's recovering from her surgery in September, or if I'm just realizing now that forgiveness is truly where the healing begins.  For the first time in a long time, I am able to call her on the phone and not hang up feeling worse than I did before I spoke with her.  Our relationship is not perfect, but it's a work in progress, kind of like my relationship with Christ.  Letting go has allowed me to find a peace about my relationship with my grandmother and approach her with a genuine compassion. 

As odd as it may seem, I am truly thankful to have gone through surgery this summer.  Nothing like hearing you may only have 8-10 years left to live to put things in perspective.  I've come through this summer a lot more laid-back and much more grateful for all of the crazy, awesome people & opportunities God has put in my life.  I continue to cast my cares on Him & I continue to find that He DOES indeed sustain me!!

I found this quote that summarizes a lot of my feelings that I could not put down on paper.  Unfortunately I'm not sure who wrote it, so I can't give credit where credit is due, but nonetheless I'd like to leave you with this:

“To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.  To let go is not to cut myself off. It’s the realization that I can’t control another. To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself. To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their own outcomes. To let go is not to be protective. It is to permit another to face reality. To let go it not to deny, but accept. To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To let go is not to adjust everything to my own desires, but to take each day as it comes & to cherish the moment. To let go is not to criticize & regulate anyone, but to become the best I can be. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow & live for the future. To let go is to fear less, trust in God more, and freely give the love He’s given to me.”

~God bless you this Christmas season!! 
Emily